Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

“Self-deprecation is a way to admit your faults without letting them define you. It’s also a way to stay balanced. You need to leave room for humility. We all need to acknowledge that we’re going to try our hardest, and, even so, we will sometimes come up short.”

October 20, 2017

https://www.pbs.org/newshour/show/why-laughing-at-your-mistakes-is-the-perfect-way-to-move-past-them

“[Women are] too stupid to drive…[Male] drivers might be dangerously distracted by female ones…[Mobility makes] it easier for wives to commit adultery…[Driving] damages the ovaries.”

September 29, 2017

https://www.economist.com/news/leaders/21729749-next-abolish-male-guardianship-last-saudi-women-will-be-allowed-take-wheel

Reasons given by clerics to justify the ban on women drivers in Saudi Arabia.

“At least $4,000 in damage was done to the room, according to the report, and a Book of Mormon with Morris’ name inside was found there.”

September 21, 2017

http://www.heraldextra.com/news/local/crime-and-courts/man-reportedly-destroyed-provo-smith-s-room-left-behind-book/article_be8f90b4-4240-5518-8106-03b88602e0e1.html

A professor at my law school would collect humorous stories illustrating his conviction that criminals are stupid . . .

“Alferd Packer, you voracious, man-eating son-of-a-bitch. They was only seven Democrats in Hinsdale County, and you ate five of them.”

September 20, 2017

Michener, James A.. Centennial: A Novel (p. 957). Random House Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.

Alferd Packer, who is buried in my home town’s cemetery, was a favorite character of my friends and I as we grew up in Littleton, Colorado.

The context for the quote:

Alferd Packer had been a mountain guide, as mixed up as the spelling of his first name, and late in 1873 for a grubstake he volunteered to lead a hunting party of twenty into the western mountains. When a blizzard struck he got lost with five of the members. The party was snowbound for three months. They ran out of food, so Packer, as the man responsible for the leadership and survival of the group, began eating his fellow sportsmen.

When the spring thaws came Alferd Packer returned, picking his teeth and showing no signs of ordeal, but later the skeletons of his companions were found, each skull showing signs of having been smacked with the sharp edge of an ax.

The macabre episode might have passed unnoticed into history as one more macabre affair along the Continental Divide, except for the memorable charge made by the judge when he sentenced Packer. Whether the judge actually said these words cannot now be proved, but they have passed into the folklore of the state, providing Colorado with its one indisputable folk hero. Said the judge, “Alferd Packer, you voracious, man-eating son-of-a-bitch. They was only seven Democrats in Hinsdale County, and you ate five of them.”

This affair made Packer the patron saint of the Republican party . . . . .

Michener, James A.. Centennial: A Novel (p. 957). Random House Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.

“Can Your Mattress Protector Stand up to Sasquatch?”

September 16, 2017

Yesterday I attended an event where the CEO of Purple spoke.